Open letter to a big meanie.

[midnightferret]

Dear person,

Yeah, so I'm bi-polar. Yeah, I admit I was guilty of bad behavior last summer when I made that insensitive comment about your cause of the month. I thought I had apologized to you about that. Like three times.

Therefore, I think it is unfair of you to contact me (after several months of silence) insisting that I have a character flaw which urges me to make myself the sole locus for ostracization and suffering. Also, I'm not letting you get away with it: you do not have a free card to crap on me whenever you wish simply because I made a mistake. I took responsibility for and apologized for my bad behavior. I am also seeking treatment for my disorder, even though it is costing me 20% of our total income at the moment. Conveniently, this is what our groceries used to cost. (Mmmm. Rice and Ramen).

Again, when I told you that I was sorry for my bad behavior but that it did not, in fact, constitute a character flaw inherent within my being, that did not give you the right to psychoanalyze me and tell me I have a need to feel wronged. I don't feel wronged, I feel like you are judging me based on an unfortunate incident. I took responsibility for that incident and apologized for it and am taking steps to lessen such incidents in the future. How does this make me essentially flawed in the way you describe? I have many other character flaws, but the ones you have deigned to label me with are spurious at best. A good comparison to this situation is if you were to fart once at my dinner party and I and all my friends instantly label you "the guy who constantly farts."

My only advice to you is that you would greatly increase your circle of compassion if you were to realize that mental illness and mood disorders are not character flaws. Beneath the symptoms of many mood disorders are sensitive, intelligent, generous human beings who, once they are managing their illnesses can be very rewarding companions and wonderful friends. If you have been friends with me for 17 years and have not realized this, then I am sad for both of us. Still I won't let you label me as some kind of big hot mess with a martyr complex simply because you know I have a mental illness and you witnessed my behavior when I wasn't at my best.

Fall Down the Stairs -- I mean
Yours Very Sincerely,

The Sole Locus of Ostracization and Suffering

[Grov]

I don't know of this event nor do I know who you are directing this at but I would like to chime in with a pearl of wisdom that helps me deal a lot.  -Offense cannot be given.  It can only be taken.  It is our choice to be offended regardless of others intentions.-  In more laymen's terms, if you don't react to the bully's taunts, then they have no power.

[Anna Iram]

..yeah...but sometimes you just have to let it out! Meanies need a good kick in the ***s sometimes.

[Rapier Half-Wit]

"Offense cannot be given. It can only be taken. It is our choice to be offended regardless of others intentions."

That's good advice for the politically correct crowd. I think I will continue to pass that phrase around.


midnightferret, I'm sorry that someone is acting like an @$$ towards you. As Anna Iram points out, sounds like they need a good, swift kick.

[midnightferret]

Hah! I think it's funny that someone assumed that I was "directing this to" someone in the Ren crowd. Like any of my Ren friends would behave in such a way.

I don't know that I really took offense, per se, but I just couldn't let him get away with treating me as if (and telling our mutual friends that) I was some sort of source of social harm and crisis simply because I said something stupid last year. I figured you guys would understand.

And you did! Yay! It's always nice to know people love you and are on your side.

[Grov]

No clue what crowd this person is part of and I don't know enough about the situation to actually pick a side.  I'm more of a "don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff" kind of guy.  Real friends won't condemn you on rumor.  Hope it all works out as you wish or better.

[MorganaLightskirt]

Those of us that know and love you, accept you for who you are and weather the storms with you. 

[Jessi]

OK, I don't know what incident prompted this post, but I feel compelled to share.

I was engaged to an unmedicated Bi-polar and it was difficult. I am depressed. I know Bi-polar is a completely different condition than depression, but it is still a chemical imbalance and a condition that alot of people don't understand. My current boyfriend doesn't believe in taking medication of any kind. He asked me once what happens if I don't take my meds. I told him I am a complete and total B!&$*. He replied "so just don't be." I told him it's not that simple, and a fight ensued.

I have been on anti-depressants for about 2 years now. Between finding the right DR and finding the right meds I realized I wasn't just depressed, I was PI$$ED OFF at the world. Once I found the right Dr, she told me that part of my depression was because of things that had happened to me and part of it was hereditary. I will be medicated for the rest of my life. At that time I worked 10 hour shifts in a closet with 7 computers and 2 other ladies with about a dozen others coming and going. Once I realized how awful I truly had been I went to each of them and apologized. Once the meds kicked in they could see the difference.

I am not a complainer, I am a realist (most depressed people are). I have always known that there are others much worse off then I am and I am thankful for what I DO have. But I always thought, why are certain things always so hard? Even as a teen I wondered if what I was going through was normal or if it was more than that. After I was diagnosed, for a while I felt embarrassed/ashamed/broken/damaged. I don't know that there was any one thing that got me over it, but eventually I realized that no one is perfect. Everyone has their own problems, issues, whatever. I got medicated and am very open about it now. I have seen a councilor that told me all things considered I am very well adjusted. If I am a little grumpy even my 9yo will ask "did you remember to take your happy pill?"

Those who are ignorant can be educated, those who are stupid will never get it.

Now I like to tell people that everyone in my family is medicated. Most are medicated for thier own health, I am medicated for other peoples health. 

And BTW Ferret, your avatar makes me totally miss mine (Poe passed away, Feef is with my X).

[Anna Iram]

Jmitchelle, I think that's the key to the whole thing. We *all* act out sometimes, due to life stresses or some chemical inbalance that is not quite under control. It's all about being able and willing to look at yourself and trying to see where you went wrong and apologising and trying...you won't always be successful..but *really* trying to do better next time. Everyone could benefit from this approach.

I have to share a book with you.
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle

The book focuses on Ego and how we so often let our egos create conflicts. It's an awesome book! It's been hepling me tremendously in seeing where I go wrong and seeing in others what keys me. The authors notes state "Tolle expands on powerful ideas to show how transcending our ego-based state of consciousness is not only essential to personal happiness, but also the key to ending conflict and suffering throughout the world." Really powerful reading and I think it would be a great tool to go along with your other approaches too.

[brier patch charlie]

It's OK Midnightferret, WE Love Ya! Oh and can-ya mend my socks?

[Jessi]

Thanks, I'll look that book up.

[RenRobin]

Those of us that know and love you, accept you for who you are and weather the storms with you. 

Ditto, Sweet Pea!

[dbaldock]

...
I have to share a book with you.
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle
...

The author has a website for this book:
http://eckharttolle.com/a_new_earth

And, there appears to be several versions available on Amazon.com.
http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&keywords=A%20New%20Earth&index=blended&link_code=qs

Take Care,
David Baldock

EDIT: Fixed URL.